American Football, or Civil war re-enactment?

Trying to come closer to US culture, one must attempt to understand American Football.

Watching one of the weird spectacles that make up this sport, I concluded that this weird spectacle is a subconscious attempt to reenact the american civil war. I appear to be backed up in this view by Condelezza Rice, who knows much more about football than I do, and described it (Condi, I apologize in advance for misquoting) as a repeated attempt to gain enemy terriority.



Here’s how it goes. There are two opposing armies. Their generals choose a field for the battle. The field is small, and their are lots of players, and even more replacements sitting in base camp, waiting for the slaughter to begin. Safely just off the battlefield are doctors, generals, strategists, armorers, cooks and all manner of other personnel.

Before the battle, the armies line up opposing each other, to the crys of the adoring peasants, who have travelled for miles and braved the dangerous countryside to watch the battle. They are desparate and feverish in their desire for victory.

When the generals agree to attack, the teams charge forward at each other, clad in colourful armor. They make a few feet of progress in each charge. The injured are carried off and tended by the doctors, quickly replaced by waiting soldiers. Those injured are surrounded by adoring relatives, pretty girls and generals complementing them for their bravery on the battle field.

Success in the battle is determined by which army has reached the end of the opposing armies field the most times. Soldiers with a career of many successful battles live the rest of their lives telling tales or their victories and war injuries. The peasants follow their favorite army with partisan fervor, loyal to the very end…